Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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