Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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