you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
