So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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