I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
