SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
