So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
