he shaved USA in his pubs
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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