Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
