pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize