you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
