I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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