I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
