Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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