Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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