I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
