We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
