I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
