My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
