I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
