in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
