Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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