Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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