If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
