im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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