He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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