Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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