at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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