After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
