um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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