She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
