Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
