I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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