dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
