I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
