She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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