Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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