If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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