Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
