The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
