Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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