i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
