i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
