It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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