So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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