Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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