Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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