We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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