Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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