I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
