Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
