Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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