I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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