I wish my penis had an off switch
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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