so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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