everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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