Your tits are I can't wait for
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
