Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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