I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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