I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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