Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Your dad touched me again.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
