I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
