when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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