Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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